


A Most Unusual Problem

by needleyecandy



Series: Fucking February [58]
Category: Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Coming Untouched, First Time, M/M, loki is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 10:22:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9718406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needleyecandy/pseuds/needleyecandy
Summary: Thor couldn't say he dislikes being god of fertility. He's well aware of how much joy he brings to peoples' lives. There's really just one drawback: his power is so strong that his partners finish before he can even get started. Most of them don't even make it past kissing. If he's ever going to get laid he needs to find someone resistant to his charms. And it better happen soon.





	

**Author's Note:**

> SOTD - Snowy White Owl, Surreal, for darklittlestories' request for lavender.
> 
> Enjoy!

There were benefits to being the god of fertility. Thor certainly couldn't claim otherwise. For one thing, people were always happy to see him, and not a day went by that he didn't receive a nice fruit basket or a family portrait with cheerful parents and bouncing newborn as thanks for his assistance. Yes, his place in the Tree brought great rewards.

There was only one drawback, really.

"Could you maybe just touch it a little?" he asked.

"I can barely move my lips enough to talk," answered that evening's companion. She had climaxed the moment Thor took his shirt off, body wracked with pleasure at the sight, and now she lay sprawled comfortably on the red plush rug.

She had lasted longer than some. Most didn't make it past kissing. A few held out until he got his trousers off – those were the worst, because they actually gave him some hope – but no one, ever, not in his entire life, had lasted long enough.

Thor, the god of fertility, was a virgin. And it was getting on his nerves.

*

"Perhaps it would be better on Midgard?" Loki suggested.

"I suppose it is worth a try," Thor agreed.

It was not worth a try. It was a disaster. Heimdall sent him to a large settlement built around one of his temples. There he would be sure to find many worshippers who would be genuinely delighted to have sex with him. The Bifrost placed him at the center of the village green. It was a lovely spring morning, and the village maidens were herding their sheep to graze, and Thor's foot barely touched the earth before they all collapsed in one huge simultaneous orgasm. That included the sheep, a fact that made Thor more than a little uncomfortable.

"Never mind, Heimdall. I wish to return home now," he called.

Loki was there waiting for him, smirking. "Welcome back, braaaaaaather," he bleated.

"I hate you, Loki," Thor answered.

*

"Perhaps Vanaheim? Those who dwell in Freya's hall might have developed a tolerance," Loki suggested over dinner that night.

"I don't think that's a good idea, dear," said their mother, looking uncomfortable.

"Why not? It does make sense," Thor said. He might not trust Loki but he knew a good point when he heard one.

"I'm afraid you would find the effect to be rather the opposite. We took you there once when you were still a child, and we had to leave quickly."

"I remember that," Thor told her. "You said it was my bedtime and so I couldn't go join the big wrestling party in the courtya... oh."

"Yes," Frigga said.

*

Thor refused to give up. He was the hero of so many battles that he had to employ a clerk to keep a record and a full dozen bards to write the songs. The halls of Hel rang with the laments of his enemies. He was not going to be defeated by his own power. He just had to find someone resistant to his presence.

He started leaving the top clasp of his tunic undone, keeping a close watch to see whose knees stayed firm when they saw him. Those who bore the sight got a friendly clap on the arm, a test which cut another swath through his pool of candidates.

"What are you going to do next, brother? Set up a kissing booth and send out invitations?" Loki asked as they walked together towards their hall one evening.

"Shut up, Loki."

"Oh, but I think you should! Just imagine the adoring throng all lined up for a chance at those pretty red lips of yours. I bet half of them wouldn't even make it through the line."

"Shut _up_ , Loki!"

He had had an utterly miserable day, and Loki's needling was just too much. If Thor had to suffer through this, then Loki would as well. He grabbed his brother's arm, took his face in his hands and kissed him soundly.

"What was _that_?" Loki hissed. He stalked off before Thor could answer, wiping his mouth with his sleeve as he went.

Loki was immune. _Loki was immune._

The path was clear. All Thor had to do was seduce his brother. After everything else he'd done, it should be easy.

He thought first of flowers but dismissed the idea almost instantly as being too obvious. A picnic was out of the question; they had not done such a thing since their mother had taken them as children and it would instantly raise Loki's suspicions.

"Good morning, brother!" Thor cried as he burst into Loki's chambers, "let us go on a quest! There are reports of a fearsome dragon in the eastern mountains. We shall slay it together and share in its treasure!"

"Really, Thor? Is that how you intend to seduce me? I believe flowers are more traditional."

Thor stopped as though he had walked into a wall. "Oh. You, ah... you want flowers?"

Loki gave him a sharp-toothed smile. "Oh, Thor," he purred, "I want it all."

That was the first hint that despite his reaction to the unexpected kiss, it might not really be so difficult to get Loki into bed. The second was when he delivered the carefully chosen bouquet, gathered by his own two hands when his mother wasn't looking, and Loki accepted it with one hand clasped to his chest in a gesture that would have looked like gratified amazement - oh, Thor, for _me_? - were it not for the slim fingers tweaking his own nipple.

Thor looked at him hopefully.

"I believe chocolates are customary, as well."

It was when Loki set about devouring the box of chocolates, a huge assortment of truffles and caramels and covered fruits and every other bonbon Thor could find, that Thor felt the first twinge of real _want_ for his brother. Desire, not mere desperation. Loki was making the most sinfully wanton moans with each new sweet he popped between those supple lips. A wave of dizziness hit him as he imagined something else in Loki's mouth, stirring him to these same sounds. He rose to go while he could still leave with dignity.

"Jewelry is next, brother. I have left a list of my wishes with the dwarf," Loki called through a mouth filled with chocolate.

*

Thor went to the dwarf's workshop, tucked away in an unassuming corner of a twisting alley. Lesser jewellers had their broad storefronts on the grand promenades, but Gelfret had begun humbly and seen no need to move to costlier quarters, not when his well-earned reputation continued to draw more work than he could hope to fulfill.

Sharp eyes rose up from the workbench as Thor entered the shop, ducking his head under the low jamb.

"Your brother left a list of wishes with me, Prince," said Gelfret, bowing deeply.

"So he told me."

Thor looked as nonchalant as a virgin buying jewelry to tempt his own brother into bed was capable of looking. _Perhaps the jeweler did not know why he was here to buy these things,_ he told himself.

Gelfret opened his cabinet and removed a small box with Loki's rune upon it. "He liked these two rings," he began, taking them out for Thor's inspection. One was of gold embedded with emeralds - no surprise there - and the other was silver with rubies. That was really rather touching, that he would want one in Thor's colors, but-

"They are beautiful but far too large. My brother has delicate fingers. These are like children's bracelets."

Gelfret hooked a finger, beckoning Thor down. When Thor was near he cupped his hands and whispered in Thor's ear. "...and that's why they're that size," he concluded.

" _Oh,_ " Thor said.

"And he also wanted these." Gelfret held up what looked rather like two giant acorns with broad shining cabachons at the ends of rather exaggerated stems. "They are to go up your-"

"Thank you. I understand," Thor said hastily.

Gelfret pointed to something that looked like a long, handleless rake, the long part crusted in jewels and the teeth left bare. It looked terrifying. "And this was the last item he had set aside for you."

"I will probably regret asking," Thor began.

"It's a hair comb. The jewels will gleam magnificently against his dark hair."

"Oh! Yes, of course. I will purchase them all."

Gelfret gave him a pitying smile and put the things back into the box. Thor paid, receiving back far less change than he would have liked, but he was too close to spend time quibbling over coins. When he got outside, Thor tucked the box securely beneath his arm and with a whirl of Mjolnir he took to the air.

"Brother! I bring you gifts!" Thor shouted as he marched down their hall.

The door to Loki's chambers swung invitingly open just as he reached for the handle. Loki was reclining on a long chair, every part of him still damp from the bath. He wore a silken robe in Thor's own red, the shade reflecting upon his skin and turning his usual pallor into a creamy glow. He set his book in his lap and looked up.

"Gifts?" he asked idly.

Thor sank to his knees by Loki's hip and placed the box on his lap, setting it carefully on the slippery fabric.

Loki reached out one languid hand and raised the lid. Thor watched a spark catch in his eyes. "Oh, Thor. You did well." He picked up one of rings - the green-and-gold one, the one Thor assumed Loki would use himself, but then again, he might like the thought of his colors on Thor's cock - and held it up, letting the jewels catch the light.

"I bought those things you left for me to buy."

"And you did such a good job with it."

Thor's lips curled. "You are covetous."

"Not at all." Loki tossed the ring aside. It hit the wall with a bright sound and fell to the floor. "It was not the objects I desired, but your willingness to acquire them."

"So you are not covetous, but self-involved."

Loki clicked his tongue. "I could have told you that. Anyway, did you truly come here for conversation?"

"I did not. You know I did not."

"Then why not take the reward for your willingness?"

Thor rested his hands on the side of the chair and leaned forwards, letting his eyelids fall halfway shut as he brushed his lips against his brother's. He had kissed before, and while he knew he was supposed to close his eyes, he could not resist the sight of Loki's lashes, black and so heavy as they settled against his delicate cheekbones.

When it ended, Loki sighed and stretched luxuriously. His eyes fluttered open and met Thor's. "You're good at this much, I'll give you that," he murmured. Loki's breath tasted of the sweet wine he favored, the one made from ice-kissed white grapes, almost flowery.

"I'm good at all of it. That's my whole problem."

"It's not a problem for me."

Thor leaned over for another kiss, this time bringing his hand up to cradle Loki's cheek as he slid his tongue between his brother's lips. He still tasted of chocolate.

"You may touch more than my face," Loki said when they parted.

Thor's fingers trailed down Loki's neck, the skin smooth and luscious to the touch, resting them on the fluttering pulse. "It's racing," he said.

"You are not the only one who desires this."

"You could have told me."

"Ah, but you have waited so long, _wanted_ so long, and now all my patience shall be rewarded."

Thor was tempted to point out that - as Loki had enjoyed more than his fair share of lovers while Thor went year after year with nothing more than his hand - it was hardly Loki who had been the model of patience, but he was more tempted by the teasing quirk on his brother's lips and so he leaned down to catch it with his own.

They were still kissing when Thor ventured farther down, and though it was not so very far the feel of his fingers slipping inside the whisper-light silk to touch hidden skin sent a thrill up his arm and shivering into his mind. He was touching his lovely brother and they were going to have sex and what in all the realms had made him take so long to see what was right before his eyes?

Loki leaned up into the kiss, sending Thor's fingers deeper beneath his robe. Thor brushed his thumb over a warm nipple and felt, more than heard, Loki's answering gasp. He did it again and found it was beginning to stiffen beneath his attentions. How strange, he thought, that such a little thing could affect him so much more than the countless orgasms he had caused others in the past. This tightening bud, those sweet quiet breaths, were infinitely precious.

“Bed?” Thor asked. Loki purred his answer. His arms slid beneath Loki’s shoulders and hips and he lifted him as he rose to his feet. Loki shifted in his grasp, demanding kisses with each stride of Thor’s long legs. Invisible hands shoved away the bedclothes as they drew near, leaving them in a messy pile that told so beautifully of how Thor was affecting his fastidious brother. Thor set him down carefully and the sight of him on the black sheets made him think of an old alf tale, about a beloved as white as snow and red as blood and black as night. This moment deserved a thousand tales. He felt them singing in his bones as he unclasped his armor, stripping down to his soft clinging underclothes before taking the space awaiting him. Loki had watched it all with sharp eyes and a lazy smile.

Thor tugged at Loki’s robe, not yet opening it but drawing the cloth away to bare more skin. His right nipple was still pert and Thor leaned down to shower his attentions on its match. The feel of his lips and tongue drew a glorious moan from Loki’s throat while the feel of the little bud responding to him drew another from his own.

“How do you wish this?” Thor rumbled against Loki’s chest.

“Oh! You know there’s different ways?” Loki asked brightly.

Thor growled.

“Stand down, brother,” Loki laughed. “I must have my fun, you know. Just as I am well aware of which books are missing from the library. But as to your question, it takes a measure of time to prepare. I readied myself in the bath.”

Any retort Thor might have made was lost as he pictured Loki preparing himself. These messy curling locks a dark halo as they floated in the water, lips and lashes trembling as slippery fingers slipped inside.

“Did you think of me?”

Loki laughed again and reached over to tug at Thor’s tunic. He sat up and pulled it off, followed, more awkwardly, by his light leggings. Loki’s eyes roamed over him, his gaze heavy and intimate. Thor reached over to untie Loki’s sash and he was lost.

How long they kissed and touched and teased he did not know. He wanted his hands everywhere, his lips and tongue everywhere, and it seemed Loki wanted the same from him. The sun set and Loki had filled the room with dancing orbs that swirled about and cast no shadows and still they touched. So rapt was he in their cocoon-dream that he hardly realized what Loki was doing until it was done, and Thor moved, still half-dreaming, behind him.

Loki had arranged himself on his hands and knees, his legs wide enough to put everything on full, obscene display, and turned his head to peer back at Thor through a tangle of glossy hair. Thor met his gaze, drinking in the raw lust in his brother's eyes, before letting his attention move to Loki's parted lips, swollen and red from Thor's attentions, and finally to his entrance. Just like his lips it was red and puffy and _fuck_ , it too was open.

Loki's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Are you just going to stare?"

"I'm admiring. I've never known you to be impatient with that before."

"You've also never known me when I'm waiting to get laid before, either." He gave an inviting wiggle of his hips.

"I had thought..."

"Mmm?"

"I had thought you'd be facing me."

"And I had thought you would like to watch. To see right where you go into me."

Loki's voice was sin and temptation and it took him a moment to remember the reason for his wish.

"I would like that, but even more I want to watch your face."

Loki did something with his face and at first Thor thought it was impatience but then a mirror appeared before them, the air itself contracted into gleaming silver. Loki met Thor's gaze in their reflection and did not let go.

Thor held his breath as he brought his cock into place. The tiny muscles were barely fluttering anymore, their tiny motions caressing the sensitive head. If he could have willed his heart to stop for the space of a beat or two, he would have done so. He wished for his body to do nothing but this ever again. He bit his lip and pressed.

There was more resistance than he had expected, and he didn’t want to be too rough and hurt Loki. They were both dripping with what seemed like gallons of slickness but he was about to suggest more when he saw the muscles in Loki’s back tense and he only realized what was happening as Loki pushed himself back onto him. For a brief moment it was almost too tight and then he was in and it was hot and slick and squeezing.

“Go ahead. It’ll be easier now,” Loki told him.

Thor gave a shaky nod and did as he was told. Loki sucked at the air in one long hiss, face tight and sharp, and his whole body was trembling but he was also nodding frantically for Thor not to stop, so he slid in, smooth and even, until their hips were flush. Thor gazed down between them, the sight of his cock disappearing inside his brother almost too perfect to be borne.

“How does it feel?” he asked, his voice reverent.

“Like there’s a big cock in my ass."

Thor must have looked worried because after a moment Loki spoke again. “Good, Thor. It feels good. Remember you make people come from looking at you. You have no need to be nervous."

By all rights that should have been a helpful thought, but in practice all it did was remind Thor that he had best not mess this up if he ever wanted to get laid again. Relax. Take it slow at first. "Tell me when you're ready for me to move."

"I've been ready for you to move for about eighty-four years."

He swallowed.

"Thor?"

"Yes?"

"You're the god of this. You know what to do."

And yes, Thor realized, he did. Once he stopped thinking so much he knew exactly what to do. He knew precisely when he should pull back and how slowly he should go, how tightly to let his fingers bite into Loki's narrow hips as the intoxicating new sensations threatened to overwhelm him. He kept his eyes on the mirror, drinking in the sight of Loki's pleasure like a desert wanderer who has found an oasis.

When he had eased back in, deep as he could go, he leaned forwards to whisper in his brother's ear. "I am going to make you scream," he promised.

Loki's eyes parted to meet Thor's gaze. His face was raw, all sudden hunger and desperation. "Yes," he growled.

He knew Loki was ready for more. He knew Loki wanted more. He also knew Loki did not always know what was best for him, but right now Thor knew in that same ineffable way he knew when the vast steppes of Eurasia were thirsty for his rain, or when the volcanos of Patagonia cried out for the sharp caress of his lightning. He kept his pace and while Loki glared and cursed he also was gasping and moaning. Nor did Thor give him what he wanted until his muscles had given out, so that the only thing keeping him in place Thor's sure hands upon him.

Thor stayed inside as he rose to his feet. They were both getting close, and up to now he'd been carefully avoiding Loki's prostate, but now it was time. His next thrust was almost straight down, his cock pressing against the firm nub as he drove in. "There's that scream I wanted," he said. His voice had gotten low and rough and Loki shivered at the sound.

"Yes," Loki hissed. "Just like that, Thor, don't stop." He reached a fumbling hand for his cock.

Thor kicked it away. "You won't need that. Not with me."

Loki's weak moan of protest was interrupted when Thor drove into him again, fast, sure, impossibly deep. Four more, he knew. Four more like that and Loki would be spilling, his cries perfuming the air and his spend ruining the sheets and Thor chased it, drinking in the way Loki's passage grabbed and clung to him and the sight of that slender, perfect body boneless with pleasure and he did it again, and again, and with the third he felt himself tipping into inevitability along with his brother.

They came together, Thor filling his brother with what felt like gallons of seed, each sharp contraction sending another burst of blinding white spiraling outwards. He seemed to contain whole galaxies, entire universes, and how he could encompass so much and yet remain present enough to savor his brother's sweet cries and rough trembling was nothing short of Valhalla.

He didn't want to pull out when it was over because that meant it was _over_ and he could hardly bear the thought that such a tremendous thing could come to an end. It made him grateful for Loki's soft whimper of loss at the feel of Thor slipping away, and he leaned down to lay a warm, soft kiss on his brother's knobby spine before lowering him gently to his side. Thor mirrored him so that they lay curled together, gazing into one another's eyes, hair mingling on their shared pillow."So what did you think?" Loki asked.

"It was like... like when I reached adulthood, and Idunn gave me my first apple. Remember how that felt?"

"I do." A trace of laughter danced across Loki's face. It was horrifying.

"What?" Thor demanded.

That made Loki laugh, deep and throaty, a little hoarse after all those pleasured cries. "It tickles when it leaks out," he explained. "Surely you did not think I was laughing at you?"

"Of course not. Let me see," Thor said.

"You may see if you move me, for I cannot move myself just yet."

Thor rolled his brother onto his stomach, one hand beneath him to make sure his cock wasn’t trapped uncomfortably, before drawing his legs – so dizzyingly long, how he’d never before noticed he couldn’t imagine– wide and cupping his buttocks in his hands to gently part them.

The thin trickle of white only served to accentuate the angry shade of red Loki’s ring had become.. “Are you sore?”

Loki shrugged faintly. “A little, but it’s good.”

“It doesn’t sound good.”

“I'll show you, don't worry."

Loki’s yawn set off Thor’s own and he settled back down, drawing Loki close. They smiled at each other as the glowing orbs faded into darkness.

“Always,” Loki whispered when Thor was half-asleep.

“Mmm?”

“You asked if I thought of you when I was getting ready today. The answer is always.”


End file.
